Goose Game or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Goose

And you may find yourself in another part of the world, and you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large aquatic bird, and you may find yourself in a beautiful meadow, with a beautiful large aquatic bird wife, and you may ask yourself, 'Well, how did I get here?'

Arriving on the scene in a pretty meadow, you soon find yourself surrounded by discarded objects, paradise, for a kleptomaniac goose such as yourself. Once you sort out the controls, and you've honked a satisfactory number of times, you will find yourself at your first obsatcle, a gate! It shouldn't pose much trouble for goose ingenuity (Grab the latches insistently enough and the whole gate will simply fall over) shortly thereafter you find a pond, time to get your feet wet! After this there's no ducking your responsibilities, time to get to work causing trouble and cross off some goals! the list for the garden is as follows:

To do:

• Get into the garden
• Get the groundskeeper wet
• Steal the groundskeeper's keys
• Make the groundskeeper wear his sunhat
• Rake in the lake
• Have a picnic
  (Bring to the picnic blanket: sandwich, apple, pumpkin, carrot, jam, thermos, radio, basket)

There's no set order to cross these off in, for instance you could steal the rake and take it to the lake immediately after getting into the garden if you wanted to, I'll be listing them in order for ease of reading though. The picnic objects are scattered so it is worth noting that the sandwich, apple, basket, and radio are available to place on the plaid picnic blanket off to the right side of the pond immediately while the pumpkin, carrot, jam, and thermos are from inside the garden fence.

1. Get into the garden:

You have two main options for getting the gate open (and one sneaky way in that doesn't use the gate at all), take the radio and do some karaoke, or turn on the water and get a little sprinkler party going in the garden. For some reason the groundskeeper simply leaves his gate open after this... Perhaps he already knows his efforts are futile, you can't fight the goose. The groundskeeper is inclined to get his radio back, but you need it for the picnic also, so it might be wise to dunk it in the water to quiet it (The functionality won't affect the objective) and set it aside for later. Either way you'll cross this off as soon as you cross the gate threshold, good job! (There's also a tunnel at the west corner of the hedge on the north side, you'll have to push some stuff out of the way, but getting through from the outside is manageable.)

2. Get the groundskeeper wet:

If you took the second option for getting into the garden, you may have already gotten this one! You'll either need to wait until he walks past the sprinkler in the garden by coincidence, or place something stolen there so he walks past to get it, and turn on the water!

3. Steal the groundskeeper's keys:

This is quite easy to do, it's retaining them that takes a trick or two. All you've got to do to steal the keys is give the man a good goosing, he keeps them pretty close you see. ;)

As for retaining them, there's a lovely little hedge-tunnel in the left corner of the garden that once cleared of obstructions fron the inside, you can use to get in and out of the garden regardless of the state of the gate, you also can close the gate yourself and boy howdy who would have guessed the dang thing locks itself? Gee whiz, what a pickle the groundskeeper would be in if you snagged his keys, ran him around to that tunnel, the shut the gate from the inside... This is purely hypothetical of course, not neccessary for *this* list at all.

4. Make the groundskeeper wear his sun hat:

This was certainly the trickiest to figure out on my own, you need to uproot the red flower, then when he replants it he'll bend over and you can steal his hat. Put it somewhere he can't find, then he'll give up and replace it with his sun hat from where it was hanging on the shed door.

5. Rake in the lake:

Take the rake and put it in the lake, my friend.

6. Have a picnic:

Such a lovely day for a picnic! As mentioned above many of the items you need are available as soon as you first swim up, the sandwich and apple are on the bench on a napkin, with the basket on the ground nearby, the radio is north of you, sitting on top of a couple bags of fertilizer, and will turn on when you pick it up. You can dunk the radio in water to "turn it off" (If you wait a few moments after setting it down and pick it up again it will simply turn on again if you want to set up a romantic picnic scene with it) so that the groundskeeper forgets it and leaves off chasing you down, it may be best to set it off to the side until he forgets it entirely though.

Once you cross off all but one objective, you'll get an additional goal! The groundskeeper has decided to put up a rather rude sign, and we're not going to stand for this kind of discrimination! So, next,

*7. Make the groundskeeper hammer his thumb:

First we've got to pull that horrible sign out of the ground, if you haven't made it there before him. He'll see that we've taken down his rude sign and grab his mallet to put it back, this is our chance, a well timed honk, and WHAM! Perhaps you may feel a moment of sympathy as the player, surely we've all suffered a moment of distraction, then pain, and regret; the goose knows no such sympathy, the goose savors their revenge. The groundskeeper leans a bit too hard on the gate and it falls open, adding injury to injury to insult to goose. You are now free to move about the cabin.

To do:

• Break the broom
• Trap the boy in the phone booth
• Make the boy wear the wrong glasses
• Make someone buy back their own stuff
• Get on t.v.
• Go shopping
  (Put in the basket: toothbrush, loo paper, hairbrush, tinned food, cleaner, fruit & veg)

1. Break the broom

Approaching the shopkeeper you'll see that she's not very appreciative of your avian style, perhaps it's the waterfowl language; regardless she races to herd you out of her shop with a broom! A broom of all things, how rude! Perhaps we can do something about this, grab that broom and hold on for dear life, you'll pull off this push broom eventually.

2. Trap the boy in the phone booth

Who's this nerd? Try honking and see what happens, ha! This kid has some respect for the goose, finally! We just need to chase him towards the phone booth, and the coward will lock himself right in! He calls for help, he's in a phone booth after all, but really we've already won.

3. Make the boy wear the wrong glasses

Another mission to harrass the boy? Perfect. You'll have to get his glasses a little closer to your level before you can steal them; sneak up and untie his shoes, and then give a good honk and you'll have him! He runs off scared and immediately trips on his untied shoelaces, jostling his glasses off his face and onto the ground in front of him; he'll look for those before getting up so run around and snag them away from him, you can go trade them for one of the pairs on the rack in the shop, any one will do, he doesn't seem to notice...

4. Make someone buy back their own stuff

Aha! Another chance to play a trick on this poor unsuspecting young lad! What an awful goose we are, aren't we? Take his toy plane and tuck in away in the shop, the shopkeeper will happily take it and put it on her shelf; you may need to chase the boy over, but once he sees his toy is in the shop, he'll run over to try to bargain it away from this greedy shopkeeper, but to no avail, he'll have to pay. You can do this as many times as you want as well... He'll pay every time.

5. Get on t.v.

Well, we've seen how to get the door of the t.v. shop open by this point quite probably, we've just got to trap the boy in the phone booth again! He calls the t.v. shop owner who pops out of her shop to come rescue him; while she's occupied you can sneak into the t.v. shop and switch the t.v.s to show you! Give a good honk or two for your loving family and fans back home.

6. Go Shopping

Once you find the basket, tuck it away in a pretty secluded corner, the greedy shopkeeper will try to take back your hard won goods; the loo paper, hairbrush, tinned food, and fruits and vegetables all come from the grocery, the toothbrush and cleaner are in a garbage can to the far right of the street by the alley entrance, there are also some walkie talkies on a nearby table that might come in handy later...

Now, time for some revenge! This shopkeeper has probably been hindering you all over the place, so let's get her out of the way!

*7. Trap the shopkeeper in the garage

You can use the walkie talkies to lure her into the garage, or just steal something and stick it in there, but once she's in the garage, pull the cord on the door to close it! Alright, we're done here let's go cause some drama with the neighbors.

To do:

• Make someone break the fancy vase
• Help the woman dress up the bust
• Make the man spit out his tea
• Get dressed up with a ribbon
• Make the man go barefoot
• Do the washing
  (With: a bra, a pair of socks, a slipper, a bar of soap)

1. Make someone break the fancy vase

Make your way down the hedgerow and find the patched gap in the grumpy man's fence, get through there and you can make your way through his yard, in the lower part there's another patched piece you can pull apart to find your way into the artist's yard, here you'll spot your mark, the purple vase! But before you grab it it would be wise to secure an exit route, at the top of the yard there's a rather rickety looking dresser, tug on the drawers and you'll collaple the whole thing, making a neat little ramp for yourself to hop back over the fence, nice! Now, grab the vase and skedaddle! Drop it anywhere on the man's side of the fence, he'll toss it right over and whoops! Well, we all make mistakes sometimes, right..?

2. Help the woman dress up the bust

The easiest items to use for this come front right here in the yard, simply steal a few accessories from the grumpy man! You'll need his hat, glasses, and pipe for this.

3. Make the man spit out his tea

Sometimes one of the downsides of living next to an avante garde individual is that they may keep an automated gong in their yard, situated perhaps directly behind where you sit to drink your tea... Really makes you wonder how long this has been going on. Anyway you'll need to wait until the man it drinking tea, then set off the gong.

4. Get dressed up with a ribbon

A fancy new outfit just for me? First we'll have to depose the poser, distract the artist then drag that fakey fake goose off somewhere sneaky and take his place, sit very verrrry still... The artist will notice that by some mischief her beloved statue is missing its ribbon and remedy your fashion situation for you, but you know she didn't really do it for you, she thought you were a simple statue! Honk to show that snob who's who around here and give her a good shock.

5. Make the man go barefoot

When you first come up to the yard you may notice the grumpy man reading a newspaper, oblivious to the world around him, one ankle resting on the other knee; an excellect chance to steal his slippers! I recommending stashing each item somewhere as you get them, outside of the yard to sneak past later, or somewhere secret in the artist's yard is best but behind the bushes in the man's yard may be good enough.

6. Do the washing

Things are getting dirty around here! if nobody else is going to do the responsible thing, we'll just have to do it. The bra, and socks are in the bottom of the artist's yard, so you'll have to quickly sneak them back through the fence before she fixes the patch, or sneak them all the way down through from the top of the man's yard to his fountain, the soap is in her yard as well on the corner of the bathtub, and you may have already stolen the man's slippers, just pop all those in the fountain and scrub them up a bit, all clean!

What's this now? Looks like a prize primed for revenge...

*7. Make someone prune the prize rose

Tug that rose over next to the topiary squirrel, it looks awfully lonely, although, maybe that squirrel could use a haircut too, try having a go at it? Ooh I don't know if geese are meant to be hairdressers... Maybe just a little more off the top? Not doing it? Oh well I'm sure the artist can fix it... Snip snip snip whoops! Maybe that's enough chaos here for the moment, I wonder what the next neighbor on over is getting up to? They seem to keep a bit more to themselves, let's invite ourselves inside...

To do:

• Get into the pub
• Break the dartboard
• Get the toy boat
• Make the old man fall on his bum
• Be awarded a flower
• Steal a pint glass and drop it in the canal
• Set the table
  (Knife, fork, plate, pepper, candle)

1. Get into the pub:

We'll need to utilize the ultimate disguise to sneak our way into this high-security pub: a cardboard box! Truly the most faithful friend of the stealth gamer. The trip from the van to the pub is a harrowing stealth endeavor, surely at this point the urge the honk is all consuming, your finger hovering over the Y button, caressing it lovingly even; once you're past the first arch you can feel free to honk if you want, the rest is just a free ride to the back alley, your choice. (If you don't get into the box before they see you it's nothing to worry about, there will be more boxes. ...Or you can simply mash back into hiding in the box until they somehow forget you're there, this game is quite forgiving.)

2. Break the dartboard:

This dartboard must just be poorly hung, all it takes the drop it is a well timed honk and one AWOL dart, wait until the old man playing darts has drawn the dart all the way back and lifted his foot to honk, earlier and he'll just get mad

3. Get the toy boat:

The toy boat is in the sink at the back of the deck, you'll need to turn on the water and fill the sink to grab it. You may need to run the pub lady around in a few circles while the sink fills if she isn't distracted elsewhere, but be sure to stash the boat somewhere you'll remember it, it could be useful later. ;)

4. Make the old man fall on his bum:

Once the old man has fixated on his harmonica, he will sit down to play it, time for one of the oldest tricks in the book, but the chair out from under this grumpy old geezer and let out a good HONK when he falls over. (The honk isn't necessary, but it could be satisfying.) He will stop and glower at you if he sees you get too close, but once he turns around you can get quite close to grab the chair.

5. Be awarded a flower:

Heartwarming: Neighborhood Goose plays charades with lovely lesbian couple on a date at local pub, more at 4. Stand on the platform in the lower dining area of the pub and mimic the prompts of the ladies at the table in front of you, a honk, a bow, and then a spread winged pose, and they award you a flower! Finally! Someone in this town who appreciates a talented goose such as yourself! Stash the flower somewhere so you can find it later, you may need it. ;)

6. Steal a pint glass and drop it in the canal:

7. Set the table:

The table in question is a cable spool in the back alley behind the pub, draped with a tablecloth, there's a plate nearby (in a discarded refrigerator up the ramp to the left of the table), but you'll have to leave the alley to retrieve the rest of the table setting. There's a fork under one of the tables on the deck left of the staircase by the alley gate; the pepper grinder is on a table further back towards the sink;

Now, this bouncer guy has been very rude to us hasn't he? Time for a little revenge:

*8. Drop a bucket on the burly man's head:

By far the most difficult objective in my book, you'll need to alert the burly man to your presence, lure him to the back alley, and ensure there are two tomatoes removed from the box under the bucket on the wall between the back alley and the sink on the deck; now hide in the tunnel between the alley and the rest of the pub until the burly man forgets about you and notices the tomatoes, we removed two so that we have time to get up to the bucket while he replaces the first tomato as the bucket needs to be knocked of while he's actually kneeling by the tomato box

It's REWIND TIME

To do:

• Get into the model village
• Steal the beautiful miniature bell
• ...and take it all the way home

Part 5 text body

To do(as well):

• Lock the groundskeeper out of the garden
• Cabbage picnic
• Trip the boy in the puddle
• Make the shop scales go ding
• Open an umbrella inside the tv shop
• Make someone from outside high street buy back their own stuff
• Collect the five flowers
  (In the basket by the well: a tulip, a lily, a rose, a daisy, a chrysanthemum)

1. Lock the groundskeeper out of the garden:

How convenient, I already outlined this one earlier, here.

2. Cabbage picnic:

3. Trip the boy in the puddle:

This boy will forever be traumatized by geese... We will ensure it. The puddle is off to the left of the high street area, near the alley to the gardens, to trip the boy just untie his shoes and scare him towards the puddle.

4. Make the shop scales go ding:

Probably most convenient to trap the shop lady in the garage whilst you go about your business, from the best I can tell all objects weigh the same and to weigh out the scale and make it go 'ding' you need to put four objects on the scale, I recommend using small objects.

5. Open an umbrella in the t.v. shop:

Trap the boy in the phone booth, run over and grab an umbrella off the line, then run back to the t.v. shop, you should have enough time to get inside and open the umbrella.

6. Make someone from outside high street buy back their own stuff:

This was tricky to figure out, my first thought was the grumpy man in the back gardens, as you can steal his glasses and the shop lady will happily take them off you, but there's no way to lure him out of his yard despite the obvious gate at the bottom; it's the groundskeeper that can leave his area, he doesn't have glasses to steal unfortunately, so you'll have to take his trowel so the shop lady can stash it with the other garden tools she sells.

7. Collect the five flowers:

The basket intended for the flowers is near the well at the nexus of paths open once you first beat the game, with gates going to each of the four main areas. There is one flower in each of the to-do list areas, the gardens, high street, the back gardens, the pub, and the model village; there's no particular order these need be gathered in, though the shop lady seems to walk a lot further from her original area than anyone else, so I opted to get the high street flower last in case she came after it, and the groundskeeper can walk back past the basket if locked out of the garden once the gate to the back gardens is open so keep that in mind.

• A tulip:
  The groundskeeper's favorite red flower, planted near the middle of the garden, you may have used it to steal the groundskeeper's hat.
• A lily:
  High street, in a bin near the glasses stand (It's a calla lily)
• A rose:
  Someone's prize rose, just snag that after you've finished causing mischief in the neighborhood
• A daisy:
  Speaking of prizes, this one's awarded to you for making someone's date at the pub quite magical
• A chysanthemum:
  Growing in the model village

To do(as well):

• Trap the boy in the garage
• Catch an object as it's thrown over the fence
• Get thrown over the fence
• Dress up the bust with objects from outside the back gardens
• Score a goal
• Sail the toy boat under a bridge
• Perform at the pub wearing a ribbon
• Steal the old man's woolen hat

1. Trap the boy in the garage:

I believe you can honk the poor boy straight in there, his toy plane serves as nice bait if you need it though.

2. Catch an object as it's thrown over the fence:

Tricky, but pretty straightforward; put an object in the grumpy man's yard, then hop over to the artist's yard and wait for him to throw it over. It took me a couple tries.

3. Get thrown over the fence:

Delivery here for the back garden artist, turns out the grumpy man will chuck each and every foreign object he finds into his neighbor's yard on the assumption that it's hers... Not the wisest move if you ask me, but he didn't. You'll have to steal the cardboard box from the delivery driver in front of the pub and drag it all the way back to the back gardens to get this one, as nobody in this village is unwise enough to pick up a goose so you have to disguise yourself to get thrown.

4. Dress up the bust with objects from outside the back gardens:

A wide variety of options await you! what style will you pick? You'll need a hat, glasses, and a mouth item. For a hat your options include both of the groundskeeper's hats, and the hat from the old man in the pub; glasses will be any of the ones from the high street shop, or the boy's; mouth options I have found so far are the toothbrush from the garbage can on high street, and a pacifier sitting with some other junk near the waterlock at the top of the stream (it's next to a boot and a bottle) (I will continue searching for accessories, and this will be updated if I find additions)

5. Score a goal:

This was a pain, you'll have to take the soccer ball from the boy with the glasses on high street, through the back gardens to the yard beyond the artist, and stick it in the goal; you can't pick it up so you'll have to push it the whole way, though the grumpy man will chuck it into the artist's yard for you.

6. Sail the toy boat under a bridge:

Quite easy, there's even a bridge right outside the back gate of the pub.

7. Perform at the pub wearing a ribbon:

That nasty bush will always steal your ribbon, so to get to the pub with it on you'll have to loop back around through the grumpy man's yard then back past the well.

8. Steal the old man's woolen hat:

Insult to injury, just when you've knocked the old bugger down, steal the cap right off his noggin.

To do(quickly!!):

• Complete the garden to-do list before the church bells ring
• Complete the high street to-do list before the church bells ring
• Complete the back gardens to-do list before the church bells ring
• Complete the pub to-do list before the church bells ring

These objectives are fairly self explanatory, bell rings after (insert amount of time here) once you start an area, you must complete each to-do list before the bell in its area rings from a fresh start or pause menu reset; each objective will be crossed off as you do it, you do not need to complete all four areas consecutively.
This is not a wildly difficult list to cross off however, I haven't actually done it myself because I hate time constraints, so for the forseeable future I don't plan on writing a time-strategy guide for this game